Much has been said about confidence building and living authentically… Have you ever found yourself under pressure to become less than you are in order not to make the people around you uncomfortable? Perhaps you’ve been blessed with creative talent, a natural poise, a good command of language, razor sharp insight or maybe just a healthy confidence in your God-given abilities.
You want to soar but people around you often misunderstand, agitate, frustrate… Where does one draw the line between humbly holding back (so that confidence and gifting do not alienate others) and retarding the very qualities that make one outstanding? After all what joy is there in pleasing everyone else at your soul’s expense?
I come from a cultural landscape where age can be a great divider. I still remember being told-off by senior siblings when I tried to join in their banter and sent off by my father in my pre-teen years whenever he caught me having political discussions with his guests. So a few years ago, I was pleasantly surprised to see that many in my social circle are people who are much older than I am. But this affinity with the more mature comes with its share of challenges. When I offer my insight on certain matters, I sometimes get the impression that I’m indirectly being asked ‘what the heck do you know?’
As a creative artist, I have felt the pressure to conform, to produce what the market wants at the expense of craft, passion and purpose. When I decided to test my entrepreneurial wings, I sensed that some nay-sayers were not just trying to shield me from disappointment but to protect their comfort zones from bombardment too. In every sphere of life, we meet resistance when we cut against the grain. So, how can we hope to ease the pain?
We live authentically and confidently when we respond to opposition in the friendliest, most compassionate way possible. I have learnt not to respond with anger rather with education – to examine conflict for hidden gifts rather than have an indulgent fit. To question and challenge rather than shrink away.
Everyone is secretly wrestling Sumos of their own. Everyone is desperate for hope, hungry for love. Don’t decrease yourself, just increase your understanding of what drives the other party. A lack of confidence? Hurt? Reluctant admiration? Respond to those drivers as authentically as possible and keep on walking. The journey of purpose is a long and winding one after all…
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Well yeah, I agree with you on that! Our journey in life is long and along the road we will encounter turbulence.
As a woman, I guess in this day and age it is ’somewhat’ acceptable to the society that we lead or even share our opinions regarding politics or whatever. Can be dicey when in a group of men… but I guess it will depend also on the culture of a given country and if women are treated equally or not…
Your father sent you off whenever he caught you having political discussions with his guests? Why would he do that?
Anyway, it’s good that you didn’t let that discourage you from challenging and expressing yourself. That’s how everyone should be. Let them stop you from what you want to do? Maybe, but at least let them give you a good reason. And if there is none, then by all means continue. If you weren’t that expressive, I doubt if you’d ever have become a writer of books.
@ Suma: Women still get a raw deal ‘everywhere’ in the world. But some places appear to be better than others.
@ Nathan: In many cultures ‘children are to be seen and not heard…’ I can see both sides of the argument though.
We each have our own way of building self-esteem. We need time and positive experiences to gain a higher self-esteem. Let us carefully consider our everyday activities because they add to our portfolio of wonderful experiences.
I completely understand being separated by age. During Christmas of this year, my dad and I were joking around and teasing each other (because we are both very witty and like to go back and forth). My grandmother wagged her finger at me and told me that I was being disrespectful and that she would never ever have spoken to her father like that. She couldn’t comprehend that my relationship with my dad is still very respectful (I’m 24, btw).
@ Leejay: Well said.
@ KatieSmile: Respect is relative, I guess (no pun intended!).
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